LAST Day

Tomorrow is the last day of the school year. YAY.

There was this student who came to school today in clothes that I am pretty sure she had to have someone else help her into. There was not a thing to be left to the imagination. And god knows no one needs to imagine that. I kept thinking, "how do you make pants into tights." Seriously??

Another year down.

Yikes

How long has it been? Yeesh.... I know I have been busy, but really?

I was thinking about Noah and his tantrums tonight. Its really a pretty amazing piece of work. He does this controlled lay down and fit. God forbid that he hurt himself in the process of a tantrum. I guess I always had the idea that when toddlers throw fits, it is this bit of uncontrolled rage. Now I know better. True, he is mad, but there is a purpose to the fit (even if I don't get it). It is so hard not to laugh at him.

uggg

Another insomnia filled night. I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Noah is running me ragged and this cough that I developed is not helping. I was hoping to sleep and then all of a sudden I was mentally awake. I keep going over all of the things it feels like I am doing wrong in my life. I wish there was some way to shut all of it down and just relax

tired....

I have so many things that need to get done. Its making my head spin.

Laundry, dishes, cooking, some type of cleaning. I need to make a purchase list of equipment for the PE department, make a syllabus for my new classes, fill out BTSA paperwork and do my homework.

Also, there is no hockey on.... the season has come to an end. Which is a bummer. That is my brainless, don't have to think activity. Baseball is no good. Its too boring. Makes me sleepy.

Noah and I went grocery shopping, so I feel obligated to cook what I got so that it doesn't go bad. Which it has a tendency to do if I don't deal with it right away. And this is why my life is ruled by little plastic containers.

Work

Last week I was so disgusted by my job that I got off my ass and sent out a letter/resume looking for a new one. I think that was the biggest thing, just sending out my resume.

I mentioned to the principal today that I wanted to look at transferring. She offered me a job teaching a computer elective. With the curriculum up to me. Now, I am not sure that is what I actually want, but it was at least something to think about. And the stupid, affirming me as a teacher. Why that is important, I don't know. Its just seemed like it was needed.

We'll see where this all goes. As Susan B says; I just want to feel wanted.

Not much like a mom

Everyday I think... I can't possibly be a mom. I am not calm enough or I don't have enough patience. I mean, the boy has been crying off and on for the past 2 hours. If he is the center of attention, he is fine, mostly. But if I wander more than 6 inches from him, he has a serious meltdown. Is this normal? And is normal to think.. "SHUT UP?" Or, "please stop crying" I managed to do a load of laundry and mop the kitchen while he was asleep. I gave up and let him cry so that I could get the light on the front of my bicycle (i managed to break the stupid light. Yay for Gorilla Tape!! Now his is using me as a jungle gym and screaming because he is mad, at what, I have no idea.

i can't believe how horrible I feel as a person.. he just wants to be held and there are so many other things that have to be done. Am I supposed to just pick him up? Will that make him a kid that throws tantrums? Do I wait until he stops crying and acknowledges that I am there? What is wrong in his world that is making him unhinge?

5th

I can no longer stand to even see , much less speak to, my 5th period. The 8th graders are so pathetic that it makes me nauseous. They literally make me want to throw up. As a whole, they are just pathetic. I can't even begin to handle it. The fact that I am tired and crabby isn't helped by the fact that they won't do shit. I mean NOTHING. Oh, but the wonderful little darlings are HERE... WHY CAN"t they just not come? I mean really....

In fact, I think I am going to suspend 2 of them from class for the next 2 days and then will do it again on Wed. I will have stuff for them to do. I just can't even stand the sight of them. I am on the verge of losing it. Which is a bad thing. I feel it welling up in my system and it makes me want to just throttle someone.